W.W.J.B.D? (what would jerri blank do?)

barf is right!  did anyone watch true blood this sunday?  it was beyond beyond beyond what i am used to.  this sex scene was pretty awful.  the show is just about porn, which i am okay with but this combination...ickkkkk.  and the end with the hate sex and the head twisting i was sitting there like this: O_o

not cool.  but it can't stop me, and it won't.  onto next week!

(thanks to ev for finding this pic for me!)

TOMORROW I AM GOING TO SEE ANTHONY BOURDAIN DO A BOOK SIGNING!!!

woohoo!! big ups to courtney for giving me the heads up on his tour/new book.  i just figure what the hell!  i love him, i love his show, i think he is sexy in a silver fox kinda way.  i am stoked.  hopefully i will take a pic with him.  when i met paula deen she called me doll and i just about melted like butter.

madonna in the 70's i believe in DETROIT (represent please!)

i love the style, i love her dress, the shoes, the socks.  maybe i would be brave enough to wear this when my training comes to an end (with biker shorts of course).  it's been 3 weeks, this will be my 4th week and i feel pretty strong. but i def don't think i could take madonna these days...have you seen those guns???

this is a lil whack and out of character for kim k but totally in character for me.  i love the leggings, giant shirt, wet hair (there's nothing you can do about it down here).  i do have to say she looks EXTREMELY white.  i have to be like 10 shades darker than her right now and she lives in miami too.  i love being tan though and baby it's AU NATURAL (that's why my prices are so high).

greetings from my boo and i on your typical saturday night.  at least we have each other.  <3

PUDU TIME:

ahhhh!!! holy shit!  i am in love with this lil fella!  the pudu is the world's smallest deer.  there are 2 things you should know about me:

1. i love little things.

2. i love deer.

this is obviously the best of both my interests. the pudu ranges in size from 13 to 17 inches in height and averages about 33 inches long.  that's like a freak schaunzer or something!  ok let's think about this: schnauzer or pudu? PUDU 100%.

some weird things about the pudu:

they have hooves in the back, and dewclaws in the front.  dewclaws are like dogs paws.  so strange!  evolution is wonderful!

each pudu has it's own range or territory.  they are solitary, secretive creatures and only come together for mating.

they climb for their food, bending and walking on bamboo to reach higher foliage.  

all i have to say is GIMMEE!!!

dancing is for the old and the young...

but where do we fall in???  i mean it is not terribly stunning or astonishing to see a 24 year old dance.  we ain't got no novelty.  but these 2 do:

so i guess i missed out on my dancing talent as a baby...
my only hope is to become like gaga grampy.
gotta get some skills before my twilight years. damn.

MEMEBON!!!

this lil fella captured my hear long ago when i was researching my favorite breed of cat: the exotic short hair.  i was not able to put a name to a face until a couple days ago when i delved deeper.  i googled "japanese kitten" and there he was in all his adorable glory.  now the good stuff:

good night my sweet prince.  as an old friend once said "i wanna shove it up inside me, birth it, and call it my own."  it is a sad fact that i will never be able to dream up anything cuter.  fuck allergies, i am GONNA get my exotic shorthair, memebon jr.

i'm a hoarder...of internet data.

so it's been a hot second since i updated.  my life is boring, i work, workout, lay out, pretty much lettin everything hang out round here.  i keep collecting shit to post but then i forget to until my desktop is jam packed with stuff!  ok so here is some of the good stuff:

i don't know what's happening here but i am really into it.  if i were to interpret such a photo, i would say that is dead father overlooking young daughter's entrance into society???  no?  that's totally whack.  but this photo is so freakin weird i love it.

modern family's take on a normal (TYPO and it stays) rockwell piece (as seen in the corner)  all i have to say is: WHERE'S LILY???  that baby looks so bored in every scene.  it's like she has seen it all and done it all.  i love lily (and manny of course, NEVER GROW UP PLEASE!)

oh jeez this is too cute.  i have been looking into pet pigs but i think one may be too much work for me.  i spent like 3 hours on sunday watching DOGS 101 on animal planet...i wish it was PIGS 101.  what's wrong with me?  who watches dog breed shows for hours on end?  i will say that knowledge comes in handy.

when gaga met morrissey...who is the guy in the swiss cheese jacket? GTFO fool.

shih tzu. my number one breed (although i am intrigued by the havanese).  proud animals, more closely related to the wolf genetically than any other dog breed.  tell my boyfriend that.  he wants a wolf-dog...i want this.  maybe we both win?  see what DOGS 101 can teach you?

yes bitch YES!  straws with everything.  i am telling you, it adds instant class.  what was a red bull is now a red bull you can delicately sip on.  olivia you got it down gurl.

i don't like birds but these are fucking adorable.  it's hard to believe anything like that could exist.  maybe there is a god?

bitch beats me to the chase cuz i am so damned lazy!!!

let me just make this big...as big as possible...

the season premiere of true blood was most excellent.  i loved the story line and the way the show is moving.  biker werewolves seem very appropriate.  i just love things about the supernatural.  do you think they will tackle ghosts next???  i mean we have: vamps, shape shifters, goddess possessions, werewolves, am i forgetting something??

and who would have thought it would get so...gay??  

idgaf- i am down with everything happening sunday evenings @9:00 PM on HBO

worlds collide once again!  i don't know what's up between these 2 other than the like 12 year age difference? beibz and kim k just seem to gravitate towards one another.  i am not complaining, but i think it's hilarious.  apparently they did a photo shoot together in the bahamas, can't wait for that shit!

not that is is any news, but spencer seems to have lost his damned mind.  he is running around in the woods acting all crazy.  one time i was in the woods with the children from my old work and there was a deer and i wanted to pet it.  this resulted in a girl saying, "you crazy white girl! why would you wanna go and do that??"  i kinda felt like spencer.  i can't wait for his rap debut! SHIIIITTTTT.

ok i gotta go to bed at 11:00 pm every night.  i work at 8 and have to leave so freakin early.

i will close with a classic idol of mine: DIANE.

old people can be cute (and inspiring) too!

i spotted this on my facebook feed and i thought it was the most adorable thing ever!  

this couple has been married for 62 years! can you imagine? that's so inspiring. 

i love how he touches her butt every time they switch places.  

ahhhh so much sass and style!

lil cuties for everyone.

chow puppies dyed to look like panda bears!!!! is that animal crulety?  i don't give a fuck, i want one NOW.  these lil fellas were painted for the opening of some pet park in china.  i'm sorry but there are plenty of pet parks or bark parks here in america and we don't dye puppies in celebration.  who is this attracting?  oh yeah, me.

it's that damn smoking baby!  this baby is like the cutest thing even so why is it smoking???  i quit smoking 2 weeks ago and i feel great!  but this lil guy is only 2, so what the hell is happening to his tiny body.  i am working with kids this summer, the youngest are 3.  i can never imagine them smoking cigarettes.  that's innocence lost right there.

omg will smith's family is prety damn cute.  jackie chan needs to get out.  but can you believe trey??? that is the same kid that was in this video:

SERIOUSLY.  so big, i feel so old.  i remember watching total request live for the premiere of this vid and thought it was cute and now this little boy is a HUGE YOUNG MAN.  wow.  born in 1992...18 years old.  i am so old.

 

that right there is a tall drink of water...or is it glass of water?  not good with those sayings sometimes.  a.skar looking good!  i am counting down the minutes to the true blood premiere OMGGGGG.

tatyanna ali was the cutest everrrrr! just sayin!

FOREVER.

FOR YOU ERIN LITTLE. damn those jonas' are creative geniuses.  but baby diabetes is nothing to laugh about.  i know if i was a diabetic child i would so want the monitor that nick jonas uses.  no question!

my favorite internet cat/alien winston loves bananas.  one of his fans was so kind to send him a personalized banana bed and i think he looks pretty as a picture.  everyday i curse myself and my stupid allergies because just think of how AMAZING my life could be if i could have a winston on the foot of my bed in a banana bed...it brings tears.

ok i hate avril lavigne or whatever/however you spell her name but these glasses from her recent nylon shoot!!! ahhhh!  i need them.  the pictures leaked but no word on what she is wearing.  stay tuned my friends.

she is moving in a direction i can deal with in this picture, it's cute and maybe somewhat genuine.  but bitch keeps fucking up!  she has to wear that SCRAM bracelet that measures if she has any alcohol in her.  how it works, i have no clue.  so she has it on and then sunday evening after the MTV movie awards her bracelet picked up alcohol.  how the hell are you supposed to fool it lindsay??? are you stupid?  and don't even think about blaming it on like mouthwash or some shit.  OWN IT.

SHIBA!!! for my boo.  he loves shibas.  we need to find a cure for my allergies so we can get one someday.  i wish god could delete my allergies.  please god, i don't ask for much but if you are reading this, i could use a solid.

that face!  that hair!  the drink...oh she still is the total package if you ask me.  i love her.  sooooo much.  i am sad i came to miami right as the left miami.  it makes me very sad, but i feel that snooki and i are cut from the same cloth and some fine day our paths will cross.  hopefully in the club because she dances REALLY funny.

i have more in store for us...

dun be worrying about dat.

double posting just cuz i put wayyyyy too much heidi spencer shit on here.

FIERCE BITCH IS FIERCE

nicki minaj to grace the june VIBE cover.  i like this anime harijuku/blasian thing she has going on.

not a stranger bitch, bitch.

why do i even bother???

the whole heidi/spencer break up has been weighing heavily upon me lately.  maybe it's because i have no life or friends here in miami.  thank god i start working tomorrow.  whoring myself out for next to nothing but this is life and i have to do it to get to the next level.


so i guess they "broke up" and heidi is moving in with her friend jennifer bunney, hence the GIRL TIME or GIRLS ONLY! tweets.  so bunney told TMZ 3 things:


1. heidi felt an obligation to "The Hills" to stick it out until the show wrapped.  
2. she and heidi will shoot a Malibu-based reality show this summer. (YAY!)
3. heidi has not made up her mind on whether she'll divorce her spencer.

i was worried there for a second cuz i thought OMG what am i going to do without the craziness that is heidi and spencer?  supposedly, the show will be about "friends, plastic surgery, and the single life."  BUT WHAT ABOUT SPENCER???  bunney said, "i think they're saving a lot of the stuff that's happening in their marriage for the show."  of course they are...but seriously lame cop-out.

(heidi and bunney stroll and have "girl talk."  she is obviously the WORST actress known to mankind...can't even take a candid dude.)

so what went wrong???  well, the couple hasn't been filmed for the series since mid-april, and heidi was not invited to a cast meeting with producers regarding the finale.  there was talk about a sexual harassment charge involving heidi, spencer, and the producers.  US Weekly has rumored that heidi's role on the show was "reduced" after she refused to comply with a story line in which she contemplates divorce.  so why is she seperating from her "husband" now?  because they fucked up the hills and now she needs a solo side project to prolong the 15 minutes which are far over due.  it's a shame that people like me who find some strange genius/ironic performance art in all of this are the ones they keep performing for.  maybe i dont want them to go away...so sue me!

(poor sad plastic heidi...makes me want a pink juicy sweatsuit.  think it would help me fit in here in miami)

so far heidi has not filed any legal documents regarding the split but she did say that spencer's crazy intense hatred for her mother is what threw the relationship over the edge.  however (dun dun dunnnnn) it was heidi who called the cops on her mom for trespassing on their property and saying that she wanted a restraining order against her own mother.  DUDE HOLLYWOOD FUCKS YOU UPPPPPPP.  after all is said and done, heidi is saying, she wants to break into acting but says people in Hollywood don't want to work with her because she has "a loose cannon of a husband."  i think that's the ONLY reason i would want to work with her.  


and i will close with a lovely valentine's day poem that heidi wrote to spencer...and don't you forget that love heidi.  because i won't forget it.

wow she is really into god and miracles and angels and dolphins.  but who isn't these days?