so i have been giving housewives a lot of thought lately. to me, it's a dream job. especially if you are rich! if you are a rich housewife, the job just gets better...its the best job out there i think! i have had about 14 weeks to observe some of Miami's finest richest housewives at work each day. i have created this simple equation for attaining such grandeur.
first of all, it goes without saying that to become a glamourous housewife you need the money and the house. i don't feel like google imaging that shit so whatever, here it goes:
you have to have the hot shiny new car, preferably a black range rover. it can be white but black is preferred. if you have don't have the range you gotta get a BMW or Benz. a G-wagon is also acceptable but those things are LOUD and obnoxious. the range rover just screams, "i am hot, rich, and have too much time on my hands."
the next thing you need is a little dog. must be small enough to take everywhere. i work at a school and part of my job is getting the kids out of the cars in the morning. i see just about as many little dogs as i do children...i like little dogs but i don't see the point in using it as an accessory! it must be a yorkie, pomeranian, or chihuahua. i have seen pug puppies carried as if they are babies all around the school. NEVER LET THAT DOGS FEET TOUCH THE GROUND.
botox and collagen are a must! any housewife that hasn't had a little nip or tuck isn't legit. if they tell you they are 100%, it's probably a lie! the lips are to be accentuated and there is not a wrinkle in sight.
a good base tan is important. bronzed skin = bronzed goddess. in miami you don't have to work too hard to get a tan. just lay outside for a little while and BAM! TAN! i have a feeling the truly legit housewives go for the fake bake as to not risk the wrinkles or freckling. otherwise that means more botox and laser treatments than necessary!
workout wear 24/7. you drop our kid off and you wear your hot workout clothes to fit your hot body. i wonder if these moms actually work out after dropping the kid off or if it is all for show. more often than not, the moms wear their yoga pants, slouchy sweaters and sportswear. it must be designer! no marshall's discount rack shit allowed!
the biggest sunglasses known to mankind are also important. the bigger the better. the bigger the sunglasses, the more rich you may be. preferable brands include dolce & gabbana, chloe, chanel, and the occasional ray bans. however, ray bans are usually reserved for rich high schoolers or college kids with mommy and daddy's credit cards.
tory burch flats are a staple of rich housewives. these bitches float on air or walk the dog in these (if they even walk their own dog). tory burch flats are NOT CHEAP. i was going to buy a pair (see silver pair in the middle row far left) but i just couldn't justify spending $100 on flats, and those were on clearance! not gonna lie, i still want some. then i will know i have made it!
the drink of choice/champions. i could use a perrier right now. so delish!
so that pretty much sums up my observations and aspirations. maybe someday i will be so lucky to be the glam housewife...maybe...
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